and realizing I can’t do everything.
Cuz, okay, I love to act. I love to write and sing and perform. I love feminism and activism.
My career is going to involve a lot of this, just siphoned down to promote and enrich my story-boarding, character work and animation. THAT is what I’m going into. THAT is what my future holds now. It’s what I want so much, I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve told people I can physically taste it. Doing this for the rest of my life is within my grasp.
So I really need to stop this. This thing I do. It needs to end.
I need to stop looking at awesome people on the internet and wanting to do their job. I can’t do that. It’s their job. It’s their passion and their life and if they’re being successful at it, they’ve taken time to literally build their life around it. If I want to do that with my goal to work at Dreamworks, I cannot be like these awesome people and do their awesome things.
I think this little revelation came with my family’s current obsession with America’s Got Talent. I actually leave my cave to watch this with my mom and step-dad. And my mom loves to point out that I could have made it on this show. I actually had the voice when I was younger. I don’t think I’d win it, but maybe, it’s possible, I could’ve gone through somewhere.
And a part of me is like GOD I WISH THAT HAD HAPPENED. I WISH I COULD DO THAT.
But I know that I wouldn’t have half the commitment that the other contestants are giving. Because? This is their life. This is their dream. This is their big break. I don’t want to pursue singing or performing full-time. If I wanted to do that, I wouldn’t have gone to art college.
And I can’t write and record a funny review my favorite nostalgic things. Or make a website about where I watch shit and blog about it. Or edit an Abridged series on youtube. Or do a web comic (aaaat the moment.) I can’t start a pod-cast (at the moment.) I can’t be a full-time activist or run a purely feminist blog.
These things aren’t my goal. They would be in the way of my goal. This is time and energy and creativity going all over everywhere when what I need to do is Fucking Focus It into what will get me the job drawing stick figures meant to be Astrid and Hiccup onto index cards trying to figure out the composition of a scene in How To Train Your Dragon 3 inside Mother Fucking Dreamworks Animation Studios.
So really. Really. I need to stop. I’m fortunate enough to know where I want to be after college, possibly for the rest of my life, and I need to stop torturing myself over awesome aspirations I cannot meet. Because ‘I could if I tried’ is not a valid excuse. It’s a distraction. A distraction I need to stop entertaining.
I want to comment on this, but I would just ruin it! Suffice to say that this is brilliant and personally applicable advice. READ!